Blogging again

I don't take a lot of selfies. Probably because they turn out like this.

Looks like I'm blogging again, seeing as how I went eight or so months without writing anything and now two within a week. Whoa, crazy writer!

I'm in the middle of writing a cover letter. It's due tomorrow. The good news is I thought I was working today and had completely the wrong schedule. So instead of starting my cover letter at 11 tonight, I started an hour and a half ago. That doesn't mean I'm anywhere close to done. It's hard to write a letter when you want to look good but aren't sure you really want the job.

I also just got a new position at my current job. Instead of being casual, I'll be part time which means steady hours, with the option to top up to full time if I want / need.

What I really want to do is stay home with my kids. Make crafts, play cars, squish playdough. How do I get paid for that? Unfortunately, the only way I can think of is to get enough hours at work for mat leave, have another baby and get reduced pay for one year. But that doesn't really work in our books right now seeing as how Justin is still unemployed. And I have health issues. And those two munchkins we already have cause us to run around until we're dizzy from the rush of raising them.

On top of all that, I've got just over a month left of my math class and I might murder someone with a sharpened pencil if they quiz me on it right now. It's tough for me. Really tough. I mean, math and chemistry and geology and whatnot were never my forte even when I was in "school mode." Now I'd rather be in mommy mode but am student, employee, wife and mother, each pulling at me for time and talents.

I keep telling myself in the grand scheme of things, these days will seem short and regardless of the path I choose / have chosen for me, it'll all work out in the end. I thank God that He knows my ending even if the middle part of my life is fuzzy to me. He knows the best steps for me too but has been terribly silent about it all. So I'm just praying, moving forward day by day, wiping bums and cooking oatmeal, working with individuals who see the joy in small things and remind me not to take my blessings for granted, thankful that I was raised with a perspective that I can do anything I set my mind to and glad for the opportunity to take the math class because in many countries I would be unable or not allowed to pursue higher education. I'm blessed.